Somehow, SOMEHOW, we created a podcast episode that is just as long as the hour-long episode of television that we're recapping. Which like, at this point, I don't even know if you can call that a recap, really. I think this might actually be a remake.

WHAT A GOOD EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR!!! We were very excited to talk about the good, good families that these women have, and how Nick is going to systematically disappoint them as we reach this season's final stretch. Join us, won't you?

It's Go-Homes week on the Bachelor as Nick narrows down the roster to this season's Final Four. Which, of course, means this episode was kind of lame -- BUT -- we got a big surprise announcement in the form of confirmation of the next Bachelorette! Join us as we just freak the hell out about it.

We don't know where to even begin talking about this episode. It was seriously the most bizarre two hours of programming this franchise has ever put together, complete with inscrutable plot twists and 180-degree tonal shifts that changed the course of the season with virtually no explanation. It's a wild, wild ride, and we're gonna guide you through it.