Wowie zowie, what a bad television show. We are sorry that we keep doing this to you. Bachelor, please. Bachelor, we are begging you. Come home, Bachelor.

We're between seasons of The Bachelor and Bachelorette, which is terrible, because it has led us to this: A series of episodes in which we explore shows that are not The Bachelor and Bachelorette. We're starting things off with Flavor of Love, which is an absolute dumpster fire.

The finale is here. A shocking twist. Startling revelations. Unbelievable emotions. Lives are changed. Lives are ruined. Anatomy is blurred. Two women enter. One woman leaves. All are axed.

We discuss the unconventional Women Tell All special, during which accusations are hurled at Ben, the contestants and also a real life barnyard animal. We also have some programming notes, by which we mean about the future of Rose Buddies, but also about the literal cybernetic programming of CAILA-001.

This episode gets wet and wild, everybody. Just a heads up, here, before we get started. Adult themes are discussed, becuase it's Fantasy Suites week, which is another way of saying that it's the Doin' It Episode. Seriously, very ribald stuff, ahoy.